Monday, 23 July 2018

Funny quotes and humor -51


Blonde without seat-belt :
Blonde in a car 123RF.com
A couple were driving on the US Inter State (express way) on a week day and the traffic was  minimum. Suddenly, the husband asked his wife who was driving the car to  go parallel  with the car going in the other lane. After a short while, the other car  got into the   far-off lane and sped ahead. The woman  asked her husband, ''What is the reason  for it  - driving our car along  with the other one in the next lane?''.  Came the reply. ''Darling, I was concerned about the safety of the blond woman driving the other  vehicle''.  The lady asked him, '' Why are you so alarmed  about a strange woman  whom you don't seem to know  before? The man replied , " Yes, it is true I've not seen her before, but  I have to pity her. The Blondie was driving without  a seat-belt on, besides  she was fully naked; positively, if caught by the cops, she would be ticketed twice''. The face of the red-headed woman became reddish, breathing fire.

 Quick money:
Manipulative Neta. The Independent India
At a Quiz competition for the 12 year old kids in a  famous school in South India , a general knowledge question was asked that carried Rs.10,000.00 award. The simple question was: Can a beggar on the street become rich enough to buy all the luxuries in the world in a span of one and half years?  

All the 20 boys who came for the quiz,  could  not come up with the right answer but for the last one. The young boy, without any hesitation, answered,  "Yes, the  beggar in abject poverty  can; with great difficulties and help from  local  leaders,  if he joins the influential  political party in the state and becomes a local leader at the basic level, it is possible.  Armed with certain political influence, with the help of Netas at higher level he can do things under the table and move the files of rich contractors for positive action. This way, in a short period,  he can  become rich enough to take care of him and his family for the rest of the life. 

Robber. MindMeister
An old man in the hall lamented," Even a small school  kid knows the caliber of  our politicians make fast buck without a smattering of education!!

Ripping off / tonsuring:
Tonsurin young boy' head. kerala temple Samayam Malayalam

At a busy crowded Hindu temple in Tamil Nadu, two Yogis  were trading talks in front of the main Gopuram (tower). They saw so many people emerging out of the holy place with their head 
tonsured.  One Yogi said,  ''These people sincerely making  an offering to the god - tonsuring their head once in a while at the holy place for the welfare of their families and lead contended lives. I really appreciate their contentment which is good for the mental well being''. 
8btc
The other Yogi with hesitation and in rage  said, "Look at our 'neta' (politician); almost daily, they  have 10 to 20 heads tonsured   when people go to him for a favor. They commit 100 sins daily and make a bundle of ill-gotten money. They neither have contentment nor do they have peace of mind and  good mental being. Almost daily Damocles dagger hanging over their head''.

Note: In local slang - Tamil, Mottai Poduthal / Tonsuring is an euphemism for cheating - making a man  lose every thing, including his undergarments!!).

*****
 Bathing woman and the train:
A movie theater manage asked a strange looking man,  ''I notice that  you saw this film several times in two weeks; Does it not look odd?  It is not a good movie either, Why are you so excited about the movie?'  The man replied calmly, ''Yes, there is a reason for it. The heroine in the movie, in a village sequence, takes a  bath in the pond close to the railway tract. When  she was about to undress
wikiHow
 alas! the goods train goes past her and, by that time, she is fully clothed. My intuition is  one day the train may come late so that I can see the lady getting into the pond. The damn train goes past the village on time!!''  Upon hearing this bizarre reply, the theater manager  literally  became tongue-tied. 

*****


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